Although Krenshaw had broken up with John, she was, nonetheless, heartbroken to discover that less than three weeks later, he had moved on and was dating someone else. To make matters worse, his new girlfriend seemed completely the opposite of Krenshaw, supporting political candidates and causes that Krenshaw proactively spoke out against. She had always thought John and her shared the same values and worldview, but apparently not.
Krenshaw called up him up and asked to meet. She had some things she needed to discuss with him. They met the next day at a tropical restaurant that was attached to a hotel next to the beach. Krenshaw told him that if certain conditions were met, she would consider being friends with him in the future.
“We probably couldn’t be friends, Krenshaw,” John responded, carefully. “I’m just too busy to meet your demands.”
He proceeded to list off all the projects that were consuming his time.
“Plus,” he added.” I’m dating the most magnificent woman in the world.”
He reached out his hand to the side as if to present someone, and his girlfriend, Cathy Starling, suddenly emerged from the shadows. John grabbed Cathy’s hand and then turned to Krenshaw to introduce them.
Krenshaw was outraged.
“You had the nerve to bring your new girlfriend to a meeting with me without telling me beforehand??? What were you thinking?” she yelled.
Krenshaw didn’t wait for him to respond. She punched him in the face and threw him down to the floor. Cathy rushed to his side, then wiped the sidewalk with her finger, thinking she saw blood. It was just red paint.
“Relax,” Krenshaw said to Cathy. “He’s fine. I weigh, like, 100 pounds.”
John got up, wiped the dirt off his pants, while Cathy was trying to be cordial and sensitive to Krenshaw. Krenshaw had to admit that she seemed pretty nice. Cathy even brought up the topic of politics and apologized to Krenshaw for being so ignorant about having previously supported an antisemitic member of U.S. congress.
Krenshaw was suspicious and kept a cool distance from Cathy, but then started to think maybe they should be friends. That would really stick it to John.
“Honey,” Cathy said to John. “We should get going. We have that thing.” They each left separately, but Krenshaw followed John along the beach to a charming cobblestone walkway between the trees. Just then, Cathy appeared again out of nowhere, this time wearing all white. Apparently, they were getting married today.
Krenshaw was one of the few people in attendance.
“This is never going to work out,” she explained to Cathy. “It’s too fast. No one gets married this quickly without it ending in divorce. All my friends who also tied the knot after two months are no longer together.”
“I know,” Cathy replied, sympathetically. “John and I need to be very careful and sensitive to each other’s needs.”
“…Or you guys could just not rush things and enjoy your time together. Live in the moment. Don’t try and turn it into something else.”
At this point, the ceremony began. It was a good thing, because Krenshaw decided she was done giving away all her good advice free of charge.
She realized she had forgotten her shoes and computer bag back at the restaurant, so she ran back to try and find them. When she got there, there was someone picking up left-over computer bags, but couldn’t locate hers.
“Rats,” Krenshaw muttered. She took a taxi back home.
About the Author
Karys Rhea writes absurdist short stories. They are exceedingly short. They are exceedingly absurd. If you happen to have read one and didn’t get it, then you did.